Role models

hello, seeing as all I ever seem to put here is stupid pictures and posts about how I think I am a sex addict i thought I’d give y’all a lil substance. Here is my top ten movie heroins, my personal role models. Enjoy MOTHER FUCKERS

1. Alabama Whitman

Now not only does she rock the look I spend my entire time trying to recreate (the noir badass trailer trash thing) but she kills James Gandolfini with an improvised flamethrower and a corkscrew. Alabama, boys and girls, is the top of my list of role models.

2. The Bride aka Beatrix Kiddo

The yellow tracksuited bride played by the incredible Uma Thurman has to make an appearance because….well…….did you not hear the superman speech? Shes a killer, and those shots of her eyes and the determination lying behind them…..wow. On another note she punched her way out of her own coffin.

3. Cherry Darling

because I’ve always secretly wanted to be a pole dancer and I’ve always wanted a machine gun for a leg…mmmm yes.

4. Clementine Kruczynski

When I was younger I used to dye my hair all the time and so when this film came out some people started calling me Clementine, obviously I think shes amazing so I never saw it as a bad thing. I also remember my ex-boyfriend telling me our lives would have turned out like this movie had we stayed together, so I’m not sure whether I just happened to already be shit at love when this movie came out and it just helped me realize. That said alot changes in a few years, recently I dyed my hair blue and dragged my new other half down to a frozen lake on a cold winters night. Hehe

5. Gail

Essentially all these women are superheroes, thats why I like them, I wanted to be a superhero when I was a wee lass and probably will be one day.

However Gail here is probably the closest thing we have (other than the bride up there). I love sin city so much that not only have I dressed up on 2 different occasions as characters from the movie/graphic novel (Gail and Miho) but i also own a very rare “girls of sin city” doll collection, collectors shot glasses, a limeted edition dvd, keyring, graphic novels and handcuffs and uzis hahaha. Needless to say I think hookers who kick ass and fall in love too easily are awesome, Especially Gail up here who doesn’t wear much other than a few leather straps but still manages to intimidate the masses and get the guy. Gail I salute you.

6. Rita

Lynch is another one of those directors (like Tarrentino) that loves his women, however his focus doesn’t too often stray far from the maddona/whore polarization with some small town cliches thrown in, he likes his girl-next-doors and femme fatals. None the less its nice to see him with a character who although is the typical femme fatal is also an utter mystery. The thing I like about this character is how vulnerable she is but yet with this raw, sexy energy at the same time.

7. Leeloo

another lost little soul.

8. Carolina

Its a great movie and she not only owns a book shop, but uses books for good things like taking bullets out, plus she can sing and run in heels.

9. Marion

I always thought you were the most beautiful girl i ever seen.

10. Lee Holloway

This movie is so bloody romantic and she’s a wonderful heroin. I like how its not about sex in the slightest but about the way men and women are with each other and how sex can be used like a translation for love in many ways……it gives hope to those of us that don’t like talking about our feelings haha.

I gave a lapdance the other day……..

……….and it was awesome

faceache

yup...thats all for today

2008

hello boys and girls, as you know it is now the second month of 2009, its been a good year so far, including running around london with my best friend from the usa, a trip to the beach with him and some dancing and sandwhiches.

So I thought I’d treat you all to a round up of what I did in 2008. Here goes (please note i should have done this in january but as you know no body ever gets anything done till feb…standard mate.)

. watched the sun rise in 8 different countries

. been to 3 music festivals

. learned another language

. been engaged

. stolen a dune buggie (well attempted to anyway!)

. slept in a fire

. Sailed along the amazon river in a cargo boat

. been to 5 concerts (hot chip, mark ronson, bob dylan, toots and the maytals and manu chao)

. fell in love with a boy

. went clubbing in lapa

. drank guiness in dublin

. been smuggled across a border by an ex police officer come tour guide in chile

. moved to bath

. been to many beach parties

. danced to lots of old 80s music

. got my fine self published in a photography book

. had a documentary film maker ask to make a documentary about me

. danced away at notting hill carnival

. apparently jumped on my boyfriend whilst onstage at some club in london and got off with the keyboard player in his band too

. been asked to demonstrate my hula hoop skills on the “tonight with jay leno show” should i ever go back to hollywood

. cooked at the grand old age of 19 my first apple crumble

. been thrown out of a bar

. read alot of amazing books

. spent 52 hours on a bus

. played bingo on a bus

. drank champagne on a bus

. won a bottle of champagne from my work place for being the best

. had my very own photography exhibited in a bar/cafe/resturant

. worked at 4 different jobs. one being a former isle of wight hotspot hahaha, the other a hotel run by an insane old man would didnt know what windows was and who would knock on my door in the morning before running away. Then came a new pub in which the first week we all got paid to sample ALL the food and ALL the drinks. I spent this week getting drunk on the very generous boss and texting my man crush “would you rather” questions. Last but not least comes a job that pays £7 an hour to sit in a nightclub, taking pictures of drunk chavs and women on hen dos ,then reading cosmo when it gets quiet.

. drunkenly collapsed in a puddle in the middle of watching shitmat play.

. have my boyfriend save my life many a time.

. saved his a few times too I think.

. got a flaming hula hoop for christmas.

. went to a bbq every night for a week.

. went to goth night every night for a summer and pretty much every night before march.

. met dan le sac and scroobius pip.

. decided I didnt want to wear underwear anymore for slightly too long

. went swimming in the sea in october

. thought october was a persons name.

. danced in salvador.

. street parties!!!!

. danced on bartops.

. seen 2 of the 7 wonders of the world.

. realised Jay-Z’s flow was not the 8th wonder of the world.

. jumped out of a plane

. got me an impulse tattoo

. spent about a week sunbathing in my friends back garden listening to the white stripes and drinking squash.

. spent a very long time on public transport

. and slightly too much money on taxis

. been robbed and got all my stuff back……twice

. got offered an assistants job on a film set

. met some of the most amazing people in the whole world

and finally pretty much been the happiest I’v ever been, with lots of stupid outfits, big dreams, nervous hours, sand, whiskey tea, friends with glasses and all those other things that involve heavy drinking and romantic thinking.

peace out and sweet dreams for 2009

xxx

Movies

i cannot wait to see include

MILK.  Sean Penn, Emile Hirsch, Diego Luna, James Franco……. the line up is like a wet dream.

THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON. Probably the best film ever

SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE. Actually I just saw it and it was whell good!

I shall add more later

peace

xxxxxxxx

slags

i really hate wellywashers, well not the people themselves but what they stand for. I don’t understand the place in which we live where if you are a slag you can’t just wear something tight and slightly revealing and be fine. Oh no these days you have to wear your slutty outfit and combine it with an oversized gross coloured cardigan so people won’t think you’re a whore. I hate going out and seeing these girls wearing charactures of dresses that are baggy in all the wrong places and have massive bows on so they can be all like “haha im being ironic because Im afriad to be a girl,but I’ll subtly remind you that I am with this giant bow!!!” and what the hell is up with girls spending 3 hours and can of bed head and their GHDs deliberatly trying to make their hair look as if they’ve just been having tantric sex for the past week. Maybe if they didnt look like such a knob they could achive that look the natural way. arrrrrrrgh. Anf their heels look manly! They all look like idiots, and then you talk to them and they are idiots!!! What happened to justbeing able to call a spade a spade, or a slag a slag in this intance. The boys will probably see past the fact that you tried to look unattractive but secretly attractive so they’ll start the evening looking at your face and end up searching through all those layers for your tits anyway.

It was so refreshing when I was in SA and we all went to this party and my good friend wore this amazing catsuit and big flower in her hair and DIDNT spend the night walking round going “oh my god Im so Kylie Minogue meets Janis Joplin minus the bells atclub topicana tonight” or go on about how you couldnt understand why all the chav girls you meet like your hair so much.

And why the hell do they all dress the same?? I cant remember the last night I went out and there were a group of girls not all wearing a skirt/winter dress/ whatever the hell stupid binbag thingy, with the same hair and red lipstick!!!

Its times like this I actually miss the Isle of Wight (see back to “in need of a thing”) where not everygirl was sponsered by topshop/the local vintage shop, which might I add dosnt count as thrifting as everything in that shop has been already approved by the hip owner so you you can’t “get a good find” at a vintage shop, because you literally can’t go wrong in them anymore. I swear some of them actually have joke rails where they put hideous clothes just so you don’t call their “everything in this room is awesome” bluff.

Oh and I thought I’d better point out that I don’t hate topshop either, my friend Heidi wears almost entirely topshop outfits most days and always manages to look totally sexy with fail every single day. However its just these girls man…….these girls are so annoying.

Love me

x

Coincidences and fortunate accidents.

I remeber being 15 and watching a movie on very late night tv, I think I’d read about it in the christmas paper and wanted to see it because it said the words “controversial” in the write up. So I watched the movie and of course fell in love with the film and its soundtrack (if you know me, you’ll understand, if I own a film, Iwill probably also own its soundtrack and get more use out of it). So anyways I ordered the album off amazon and stayed up all night listening to it every night for about 2 months. Track 2 had me especially enchanted, which happened to be by portishead but more on that later. So the advert for a new tv show called lost comes out, and I NEED TO KNOW WHAT THE SONG IS! I finnally find out on an internet forum, it tells me it is portishead and knowing I know that name from my new favourite CD, I head out to hmv to buy “dummy”. I find out that the song is not the one from the advert but I keep the CD anyway and it becomes my favourite album of all time, not to mention the soundtrack to my mid teenage years.

A few weeks ago I am on “cinematic orchestra’s” myspace and noticed something. Now let me stress to you that I have been listening to the cinematic orchestra for about 2 years now and had a similar “dummy” expirence with their album “man with the movie camera”. I realise I recognised one of their songs from a long time ago and it is infact the song from the lost advert all those years ago.

Now I appolagise about that very boring story but my point is, what if I had found the right song back when I was 15, would I ever find dummy? Would cinematic orchestra mean as much to me now? would my whole life actually be very different if it wernt for that internet mishap? Or would it have happened in reverse? I have the summer of cinematic orchestra in 2005 and the love of portishead in 2007/2008?

Me and the other half were discussing this the other day, how far back we can trace the smallest things that defined our lives into what they are now. I asked him if he thinks we’d be together if the film Donnie Darko never existed.

Its funny how I met him for the first ever time during the period I was listening to the album that started it all, and I met the guy who I guess you could blame for us being in the same room from then on 3 years later discussing the movie that did infact start IT ALL.

Its very strange how far you can trace it back, he blames it all on missing a bus where as my fate on the isle of wight was sealed in a dimploma, add in a showerhead, not being able to afford drama school and a waitress job and  I guess you have our meeting. The same way I trace my south american adventure down to a bus journey with a guy I didnt know but who knew the guy I was going lingerie shopping for.

Our relastionship however is a tad different, I actually believe that to exist due to me being stood up because my date had diarrhoa (you really can’t make this stuff up). Everything after that day, i guess I have to be thankful for or I’d never know where things could have ended up, there were probably about a milion different ways that weekend could have ended and I can’t imagine any of them being anywhere near as amazing as the real one did.

So I guess the point of this blog is me being thankful for serendipity, for missed buses, wrong information, and bad curries. Night night

In need of a thing

So recently I returned to my homeland (well one of) to my friends, the group of photogenic twenty somethings that i’ll be looking back on pictures of one day thinking, wow we were so cool.

So anyways I got thinking, all of my friends have a thing…..a physical attribute that makes them stand out, like when you meet someone at a party and they go “who was that guy you know the one with the hair/piercings/wierd facial hair”.

Everyone has something, I remember my good friend going round the room and describing us all to a newcomer.

It went:

the gossip queen, the demented crazy one (that would be me apparently), the waster, nice hair boy (that would be my dearly beloved) and the dreadlocked queen.

So thats it I’m crazy? Actually once I heard a friend describing me on the phone as “you know Lydia, with the dirty blonde hair, big eyes and rack to match”

“Oh mad Lydia” the guy on the other end of the line answered.

So I’m mad. Good times.

Again if you describe “the girl that swears really loudly all the time in public” people usually know its me.

So there we have it I’m the mental one with big boobs and tourettes. Nice.

But come on, I need something visual. I used to get “the one with the blonde hair, brown eyes and big smile” thats quite nice….but its no “the one with the glasses”, “the southafrican one” or “the one with shit in her face” (by shit I am referring to peircings by the way, really nice ones too, just incase you thought I was being literal).

My problem is my hair colour tends to change alot before always going back to a dirty blonde as does everything else, I wear glasses, but not that often, I have different looks but they change and saying “the trendy one” doesn’t really work past the age of 15.

So trademark clothing could be “headband, blue boots” (late summer/autumn), “wierd nail varnish” (a long time ago, plus that could be anyone really), “liquid eyeliner/red lipstick” (used to be a winter thing but I lost my lippy) or “always wears a long earring in her top ear” (but really who actually notices that!).

Winter is kind of a saviour for my immediate recognition identity crisis, people always seem to remember me by my coat, probably because my last few have literally resembled living creatures, none the less, its a start.

I’v been parka girl, fur girl, leather, and now I’m leather again but in trench form teamed with earmuffs…….maybe I’ll get somewhere with this one.

Watch this space.

Things I have learned from my dog

a few things dogs (not just my own) have taught me

1. If I hold a persons ears they will not bite me.

2. Moaning when hungry gets you everywhere

3. Making your eyes as big as you can and looking up at someone will get you everywhere

4. Throwing up on the floor is not a nice present

5. Further more people do not like to be licked after you’ve thrown up on their floor

6. Climbing into bed with people is actually always appriciated

Things I have learned from my mother

here a collection of things my mother taught me

1. Never date a drummer

now this was a piece of advice that I attempted to ignore just to prove the woman (and the film “this is spinal tap”) wrong. All I got was 2 stalkers and a chin licker. Bad times mummy

2. Don’t shout help, shout fire.

I haven’t actually used this one yet but she told it to me like she knew I may one day have to. PLus i did use it in a dream recently and all was fine. Makes me sad mind, that the human race is more likely to respond to flames or another human.

3. Im sure she taught me a thing or two in the bathroom (BATHROOM not BEDROOM……that would be wrong.) I just cant think of it right now.